[The turn feels so sudden, and Eichi jolts back, hands retreating as Midorima does a too-intimidating take of a kabedon. He's glad that Midorima is so blind, because he's sure his own expression flashes into something too real for a moment. Past experiences aren't as long ago as they feel.
But even when that fades away, there's a strange mixture of feelings left in his chest. He's still aroused, still dealing with heat, and the intense way Midorima can turn on him like that is incredibly attractive, somehow. But now he's worried, on top of that. Afraid? He's afraid he's stepped over some line... Maybe he did that long ago.
It's not fair to ask him to push that line. No one ever wants to, and he shouldn't expect them to, right? More than that, he's not sure why he wants to push it so far to begin with. More thinking on that has him wondering if he's more troubled by everything going on right now than he wants to admit. (Yes.)
Midorima just cares. That's what this is, he's sure... But even knowing that isn't calming the sick feeling in his heart. It's not Midorima's fault at all. Eichi just has had too much on his plate for too long, and something was bound to knock at it.]
...Right.
[So, he's quiet aside from that, and he doesn't move his hands back to touch Midorima even for support. He's not steady on his feet, but he can probably make it for the rest of this shower.]
[ Midorima stays quiet for the next few moments. He's made his point, and he doesn't really feel the need to elaborate on it. Eichi doesn't seem to have any questions, and he doesn't seem to be reacting poorly to it. At least not that he can tell. It's difficult, without his vision, but as far as he can tell, Eichi is stronger than he looks. Emotionally, not physically.
He's been wrong about that before, to devastating consequences, but perhaps he'll get lucky this time.
Since Eichi is staying quiet, Midorima finishes off his hair and is rather militant about washing himself. It's a habit, one he does more than most people because of his involvement in a sport that results in him getting very, very sweaty. He does think about what Eichi said. His mind stays on it for a while. It comes back to something that he thought before about Eichi. The last time he was over there too, in his desire to 'live' he was risking his life far too much. It wasn't that Midorima didn't want to give him what he wanted. He did want more from Eichi. Midorima himself has pushed himself beyond his own limits multiple times. He's seen people be physically and mentally broken from doing it. He's never dealt with sexual limits before, and he's still only just had sex, so it's still.. it's too much for him to even consider properly right now. His head is still swimming from what he's just done-- what they've just done. Eichi can barely stand after that- he's not holding onto him. Midorima can't see or feel him and he's quiet, and that's troublesome.
He's so bad with people. Eichi being quiet and letting go is strange, and it's his fault. He never knows what to say, he never knows how to stop a conversation normally when he needs to divert from the topic or stop the slew of things that are honestly overwhelming for him. Midorima is not emotionally intelligent, or conversationally intelligent. When Eichi told him he felt lonely when he didn't talk, he wanted to ask why he wanted to be around him to begin with then. That felt too weak to ask, though.
Everything about today is overwhelming and it just comes off as Midorima seeming upset rather than what it is. ]
If you can convince me I can trust you to tell me to stop before it's too late in the future, I'll consider it.
[ That's what he lands on. A small concession. They're not there yet though. The know each other more intimately than Midorima knows anyone else, and yet he doesn't feel like he knows Eichi very well at all. If he's going to do something so extreme as to push someone whose limits could very well land them in the hospital or worse, he needs to be able to trust him. And that's not something he feels comfortable with right now. There are some things Midorima can only do if he has complete trust in someone.
There are only two people Midorima has ever had complete trust in and one of those people broke while Midorima stood by and watched, unable to do anything to stop it. Eichi has a long road ahead to get what he wants out of Midorima. ]
There's no need for you to consider it. It's a worrying thing, isn't it? You wear that stern looking expression all the time, but you actually have one of the kindest hearts I've seen. I won't trouble you with it.
[He's still quiet, and he's still not touching him, instead opting to use the wall for support, but that's for the both of them. If he's not going to push any limits, then he can't be too close in a place like this, or he'll get carried away again. And Midorima needs to calm down, too.
He cleans up as much as he can, and even with as much extra work as he has to do with that, it seems like Midorima is taking longer. So, he shifts carefully to lean against the wall and wait.]
It's at the edge of death that one feels the most alive, you know? I wonder if that's something that you and others can understand. [He genuinely doesn't know. But he deals with it every day, that knowledge.]
I shouldn't place the burden of wanting to feel alive on someone else's shoulders, no matter the context. It was selfish of me to even agree to this, when you spoke so seriously about intimacy... But I craved that, more than anything else. Someone to reach out to who might meet my hand with their own, even if only for a short time. No matter how many times I've tried this before.
But, I've done it. I've begun to carve out a place in your heart... Yet I wonder if this ugly cut will only cause you pain. [He doesn't want to worry him. He really doesn't... No matter how embarrassed or tough Midorima is about any of this, he'll listen to serious words, right? Hesitantly, Eichi reaches out again, fingers brushing Midorima's arm, not holding but still requesting the attention.]
[ He listens quietly. He stays under the water the whole time, if only because the harsh beating of the pressure is helping to offset his thoughts. Midorima isn't the type who lets himself respond reactively when it's important, even if he allows himself to in light-hearted situations. Kneejerk reactions aren't useful in situations like this. The green-haired shooting guard needs a moment to think. ]
There are two people I have who I consider someone I trust completely. One of them broke in middle school and I could do nothing to stop it. Given the chance to help him and keep my promise, we managed to put pressure on his team. My partner and I were double-teaming him and he backed off and made a shot to his own goal, then told his team that if they lost, it would be his fault, and that he would gouge his eyes out for them in penance. Not one of us on the court doubted he was telling the truth. At the end of the game, I asked for a handshake and he told me that I would never win unless I became cold-hearted.
[ He turns to press himself against the wall to let Eichi switch to the water to soak again, but doesn't turn away from his touch. It probably seems like a disjointed story, but Eichi reminds him far too much of Akashi. The kind of soul who's far too concerned with how kind Midorima is. ]
I don't know about a fear of death, or a desire to taste it, but I do know how irritating it is to be told that my heart is the reason I can't accomplish what I want to by those with weaker hearts than mine. Worry about your own first. There's no strength in a cold heart.
[He's sharing more about himself? So that's good, right? Eichi moves quietly, carefully, to slide back into the water, his fingers slowly turning more into a hold again. Nothing wandering, just for support.]
I've never claimed to have a strong heart, or that yours was weak. I used to think that way, when I was more ignorant... But now I can see that people like you are stronger than anyone else. It's a strength I've admired for a long time, even if I didn't want to admit it.
[His rabbit ears fold back at the water, and he closes his eyes to focus on rinsing himself more.]
I was raised in a way that taught me that anyone and everyone would only interact with me if they needed something from me. I wasn't read books of heroes saving the day, or princesses trapped in towers being rescued. I was told that I could die any day, and everyone treated it so casually that I felt like it was normal.
In order to protect my weak heart that wanted to be loved and admired and was only met with a worthless existence, I had to build up those walls. By stripping myself of my humanity, I was able to take even this weak body and push it forward, to catch up and surpass those that I had jealously watched for so long.
[He runs his free hand through his wet hair as he moves out of the water, satisfied with this, leaning a little against Midorima.]
To be honest, even though I feel like I've grown considerably since then, I still have no idea how to express myself. More than that, for someone like me, who's covered in blood so much that you can hardly see what's beneath, to reach out to someone like you... It's not fair, is it? From the very beginning, I was comparing you to someone else in some childish attempt to feel better about being abandoned. I wanted to close my eyes and play pretend that everything was fine. As it is now, it wouldn't be a surprise if you grew to hate me because of that.
But I'd like to make it clear that that plan fell apart near instantly. From just speaking to you after gifting you that piano, you became "Midorima-kun." I wonder if I make that clear, if it might prevent you from staining under my touch a little more.
[This is a lot for shower talk. He always talks a lot, and deeply, but he shifts now, satisfied with how clean he is. Squeezing as much water out of his hair as he can, he slips aside to reach for one of the towels off to the side, aiming to get out first, even if he's unsteady.]
[ Midorima listens quietly. He's said his own piece, made it clear that he thinks Eichi needs to stop assuming that he's going to hurt Midorima or worrying about whether or not he will. He may claim that he wasn't making a statement about the strength of one's heart, but Midorima was. He's found that people of Eichi and Akashi's backgrounds have a few things in common: though for very different reasons, they end up isolated from the people they want to be around because of their behaviors to try to keep them close. Eichi reached that conclusion because every minute could be his last.
He watches Eichi's blur get out of the shower. He can still see movement at least, so even if it'll be a sloppy catch if he falls, he's ready to do it. Once he makes it, Midorima dips under the water one more time for a final rinse, not commenting on what Eichi said for a little while as he thinks about it. The conclusion he ends up drawing is simple. ]
I have no doubt that you're still capable of everything you feel guilty of that you're worried about tainting me with. You aren't the only one who had to learn lessons of humanity the hard way. If you were still as cruel as you claim to be, you wouldn't be considering how much you might be hurting me because of your wants at all.
[ He's not saying that Eichi is wrong. He's sure he's right, because Midorima knows that everything he's done wrong is all something he's capable of falling back into if he lets himself. It's why he's trying so hard not to close himself off to everyone upon arriving here, because he's done that. He's refusing to fall back into the same mistakes again, even without Takao here to help him keep from closing off. But it's because he still wants to push everyone away because when they leave, it's going to hurt, and he's going to end up alone again that he's refusing to let himself do that with Eichi. Eichi's refusing to let himself not think about his affect on Midorima, about the affect of his actions, if he's being unfair. That's not the cruelty that Eichi speaks of.
He turns off the water and steps out of the shower, one hand out to make sure that Eichi isn't too close that he's going to knock him over. ]
You express yourself more than anyone I know, though, don't worry about figuring out how to do that more.
[ Rather than let this dwell too long on the emotional, as much progress as Midorima has made with not pushing people away, he is going to resort to basically telling Eichi he talks too much. He holds his hand out for Eichi to hand him a towel because he legit can't see it. ]
[He decides not to say anything more to the first part, wrapping a towel around himself before he takes Midorima's and passes it over. But in the pass, his other hand touches the back of Midorima's hand underneath, to indicate that he's leaning closer, and then kisses Midorima on the lips. A chaste, quick thing.]
It's not that I don't do it, but that I don't believe I'm understood when I try. So many people take my words to mean something I hadn't intended.
[ It stays unsaid, but Midorima is well aware that he's not good at understanding others. There are many things he can observe- identify, correct. There are many things he's good at caring about and there are things he can do to try to show that, even if he's bad at it.
But sometimes he just doesn't realize things unless they're said. In a lot of ways, he and Eichi are very incompatible because of things like that, because of Midorima's tendency to shut himself down at loss and Eichi's inevitable loss, because they're both selfish and demanding in their different ways. Midorima buries his face in the towel, then pats down his hair so he's ready to receive his glasses. ]
Yes, give them to me. [ He would like to see again. ]
[Some things are embarrassing. He hasn't really dried himself off yet, but with the towel over himself, he moves to pick up Midorima's glasses carefully. Turning them, he moves them gently onto Midorima's face for him. Obviously he's not a glasses wearer, so it's not the best way to do this, but he wanted to do that gesture.
Shortly after that, he dries himself with the towel, turning to look away from Midorima. He's quiet, otherwise, still thinking on all they've done and said.]
[ He feels Eichi moving his glasses on his face and his lips pull down into a frown, but he stills. He's letting him do it, even if it means the first thing he'll be able to see is Eichi's face.
Then he reaches up to fix them so they're positioned a little more like how he likes them. ]
I'll get you some water. Go change into something comfortable.
[He towel dries his hair, and then drops the towel to the side. There's that mess, and the mess of the clothes in the sink, but he's not going to worry about it right now. He just moves back across to the bedroom, using the walls for support, and moves to change into his pajamas.
But he is really tired... He takes longer to get dressed, and while Midorima excuses him to do other things, Eichi ends up drifting off for a moment. He's in his pajama pants, sitting on the side of his bed, leaned over onto a pillow with his pajama shirt in one hand, and his device in the other. Like he tried to lie to the side for just a moment and sort of drifted off.
He'll wake up again shortly, but, this is where he is now.]
[ Midorima really does intend on making sure that Eichi is okay, and part of that is making certain that things like the laundry pile are taken care of. He's got a slightly better understanding of Eichi's behaviors now, so he doesn't panic when he sees him dozed off on the bed and try to wake him up this time. Instead, he sets the water on the nearest surface and goes off to do the tasks he's set for himself. First, the laundry. He ends up washing them in the sink, so it does take him a while. He ends up hanging everything up outside over the side of the balcony so it doesn't mess up any of Eichi's floors.
It's at that point he gathers the things he brought earlier, wipes down the yoga mat and rolls it up. By that time his hands are sufficiently dry and he goes to get his own glass of water and check on Eichi again. Provided he looks like he's still breathing, he pulls up the other side of the blanket to toss over him so he doesn't catch a cold on top of exhaustion. Then, he'll sit on the edge of the bed and take out his nail kit. It's essentially a complete manicure set and he sets to making sure his nails are perfect. A roll of athletics tape is on the bed next to his nail set. He otherwise will stay quiet until Eichi wakes up on his own. ]
[He hears Midorima moving around a couple times, but he doesn't want to wake up. He feels warm, he drifts in and out until he's deep enough to dream... But that means that a short way into Midorima checking his nails, Eichi sucks in a breath sharply and jolts.
But then he remembers where he is, and blinks at the blanket slipping off of him that had been draped over him. He sets his device to the side, sleepily slipping his shirt on as he glances over to him.]
Are your fingers still fine, then? [He won't comment on anything else, right now.]
[ Midorima stills the second that he hears Eichi inhale so that he doesn't make any mistakes, then continues what he's doing. He's almost done with this finger, he'll finish it while he speaks. ]
Of course. I have to care for them every day, not just when they're disrupted.
[ It's important to him. Maybe Kise being able to make his shots while using Perfect Copy debunks his theory that it has anything to do with his shot, but it makes Midorima more confident and it makes him able to feel the shot how it's supposed to be. He doesn't have the ability to see into the future, or copy anything he sees other people do. He needs to make concessions and do everything he can to make sure he succeeds. ]
I'm almost finished. There's water there. Drink it.
[ He turns his head to indicate where it is before going onto the next nail. ]
[He's glad Midorima's hands are fine. He's not sure what he constitutes as fine or not, but he'd hate to be a reason something went wrong. Maybe that still ties in with his words from earlier... He still can't stop thinking about it. So is that supposed to make him a better person? He's not sure. He still feels terrible.
Buttoning up his shirt, he turns to pick up his water and slips more under the blankets on the bed, sitting up still as he sips from it.]
Thank you. [After a long sip, where he lowers the glass and continues to watch him.]
If I promise to control myself, will you sleep in the bed again?
[ With the final finger on his left hand done, he blows to remove any dust from the filing and holds his hand up in front of his face so he can get as good a look as possible. Then he puts his tools away and picks up the tape. He has to individually wrap every finger now. ]
I have no intention of going to sleep, but I'll lay in it and read if you have a book I can borrow.
[ But Midorima isn't the type who can just sleep whenever. Even if he's a little more tired than he normally would be at this time of day, his sleep is set to a schedule. He sleeps very deeply during it, but he wakes and sleeps at the same time every night. ]
[ Mm, there goes his nap plans. He pauses a moment for his reply, thinking. He’s used to sleeping at random hours in hospitals, so this doesn’t feel too different. He needs to rest, anyway, and while his clothes are drying and he’s relaxing in pjs... why not?
But sleep isn’t his first desire. ]
I believe this is largely in part to my moonblessing, but it’s impossible to shake the idea. I want to snuggle up close to you.
I didn't say you couldn't sleep, just that I wouldn't. It's your bed.
[ That's why he wanted the book. Eichi needs to rest. He doesn't verbally agree to the snuggling but he won't stop it from happening either. Midorima's very clear when he's against something, so he hopes that Eichi understands. ]
I will nap some more, since I'm quite tired, but...
[He watches Midorima for another long moment before he sets the water aside, shaking his head.]
No, nevermind. I have books on a shelf near the table in the main room, if you'd like to search for one you might like.
[They're prisma books about things like the culture, any history, and anything you can think of that might help an idol raise himself higher. Media, song writing, so on and so forth.]
[ He doesn't press to find out what the 'but' was. If Eichi decided not to say it, it's not his business. He finishes taping up his fingers and gathers his things to put them back in the bag he'd brought, neatly tucked away. Then he gets up to go look at the books, but raises his voice so Eichi can still hear him as he does. ]
Do you have somewhere to be today?
[ Midorima doesn't really know what to do here, he's going on instinct and trying to be good about this,but he also has no idea how to tell if he's overstaying his welcome. ]
Nothing necessary. I had set today aside for your massage, and I originally had plans to visit certain shops, but it was nothing vital. I had no important meetings.
[He calls it back out, experimentally shifting and stretching from the bed. He's sore, but his pain tolerance is much better with these traits... So hopefully he won't be too sore later, either.]
[ ...he actually has chroma for once. He can do it. ]
Do you have any allergies?
[ Unless Eichi says he wants something specific, Midorima kind of wants burgers maybe. He feels like he just played a basketball game, between Cordis hunger and his first time. ]
[Hmm, Midorima staying over long enough to plan for lunch... He perks up a little at that, glancing at the door to the hall and the rest of the apartment.]
It's more that I have dietary restrictions. Anything too unhealthy sets me off quite easily, but as long as I'm careful, it isn't an issue. Do you have something in mind?
Burgers? Hamburgers? If we're going to have something like that, I want beef. ♪ It's fine for me to have something like that once in a while, so long as you don't choose an item that's too over the top.
[Don't get him like jalapenos or something and he'll survive. Normal ass burger.]
Have you found a book yet? I don't want to nap until you're next to me, you know?
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accurately) wrote2019-06-22 12:49 am
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But even when that fades away, there's a strange mixture of feelings left in his chest. He's still aroused, still dealing with heat, and the intense way Midorima can turn on him like that is incredibly attractive, somehow. But now he's worried, on top of that. Afraid? He's afraid he's stepped over some line... Maybe he did that long ago.
It's not fair to ask him to push that line. No one ever wants to, and he shouldn't expect them to, right? More than that, he's not sure why he wants to push it so far to begin with. More thinking on that has him wondering if he's more troubled by everything going on right now than he wants to admit. (Yes.)
Midorima just cares. That's what this is, he's sure... But even knowing that isn't calming the sick feeling in his heart. It's not Midorima's fault at all. Eichi just has had too much on his plate for too long, and something was bound to knock at it.]
...Right.
[So, he's quiet aside from that, and he doesn't move his hands back to touch Midorima even for support. He's not steady on his feet, but he can probably make it for the rest of this shower.]
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He's been wrong about that before, to devastating consequences, but perhaps he'll get lucky this time.
Since Eichi is staying quiet, Midorima finishes off his hair and is rather militant about washing himself. It's a habit, one he does more than most people because of his involvement in a sport that results in him getting very, very sweaty. He does think about what Eichi said. His mind stays on it for a while. It comes back to something that he thought before about Eichi. The last time he was over there too, in his desire to 'live' he was risking his life far too much. It wasn't that Midorima didn't want to give him what he wanted. He did want more from Eichi. Midorima himself has pushed himself beyond his own limits multiple times. He's seen people be physically and mentally broken from doing it. He's never dealt with sexual limits before, and he's still only just had sex, so it's still.. it's too much for him to even consider properly right now. His head is still swimming from what he's just done-- what they've just done. Eichi can barely stand after that- he's not holding onto him. Midorima can't see or feel him and he's quiet, and that's troublesome.
He's so bad with people. Eichi being quiet and letting go is strange, and it's his fault. He never knows what to say, he never knows how to stop a conversation normally when he needs to divert from the topic or stop the slew of things that are honestly overwhelming for him. Midorima is not emotionally intelligent, or conversationally intelligent. When Eichi told him he felt lonely when he didn't talk, he wanted to ask why he wanted to be around him to begin with then. That felt too weak to ask, though.
Everything about today is overwhelming and it just comes off as Midorima seeming upset rather than what it is. ]
If you can convince me I can trust you to tell me to stop before it's too late in the future, I'll consider it.
[ That's what he lands on. A small concession. They're not there yet though. The know each other more intimately than Midorima knows anyone else, and yet he doesn't feel like he knows Eichi very well at all. If he's going to do something so extreme as to push someone whose limits could very well land them in the hospital or worse, he needs to be able to trust him. And that's not something he feels comfortable with right now. There are some things Midorima can only do if he has complete trust in someone.
There are only two people Midorima has ever had complete trust in and one of those people broke while Midorima stood by and watched, unable to do anything to stop it. Eichi has a long road ahead to get what he wants out of Midorima. ]
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[He's still quiet, and he's still not touching him, instead opting to use the wall for support, but that's for the both of them. If he's not going to push any limits, then he can't be too close in a place like this, or he'll get carried away again. And Midorima needs to calm down, too.
He cleans up as much as he can, and even with as much extra work as he has to do with that, it seems like Midorima is taking longer. So, he shifts carefully to lean against the wall and wait.]
It's at the edge of death that one feels the most alive, you know? I wonder if that's something that you and others can understand. [He genuinely doesn't know. But he deals with it every day, that knowledge.]
I shouldn't place the burden of wanting to feel alive on someone else's shoulders, no matter the context. It was selfish of me to even agree to this, when you spoke so seriously about intimacy... But I craved that, more than anything else. Someone to reach out to who might meet my hand with their own, even if only for a short time. No matter how many times I've tried this before.
But, I've done it. I've begun to carve out a place in your heart... Yet I wonder if this ugly cut will only cause you pain. [He doesn't want to worry him. He really doesn't... No matter how embarrassed or tough Midorima is about any of this, he'll listen to serious words, right? Hesitantly, Eichi reaches out again, fingers brushing Midorima's arm, not holding but still requesting the attention.]
I hope you'll forgive this fool.
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There are two people I have who I consider someone I trust completely. One of them broke in middle school and I could do nothing to stop it. Given the chance to help him and keep my promise, we managed to put pressure on his team. My partner and I were double-teaming him and he backed off and made a shot to his own goal, then told his team that if they lost, it would be his fault, and that he would gouge his eyes out for them in penance. Not one of us on the court doubted he was telling the truth. At the end of the game, I asked for a handshake and he told me that I would never win unless I became cold-hearted.
[ He turns to press himself against the wall to let Eichi switch to the water to soak again, but doesn't turn away from his touch. It probably seems like a disjointed story, but Eichi reminds him far too much of Akashi. The kind of soul who's far too concerned with how kind Midorima is. ]
I don't know about a fear of death, or a desire to taste it, but I do know how irritating it is to be told that my heart is the reason I can't accomplish what I want to by those with weaker hearts than mine. Worry about your own first. There's no strength in a cold heart.
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I've never claimed to have a strong heart, or that yours was weak. I used to think that way, when I was more ignorant... But now I can see that people like you are stronger than anyone else. It's a strength I've admired for a long time, even if I didn't want to admit it.
[His rabbit ears fold back at the water, and he closes his eyes to focus on rinsing himself more.]
I was raised in a way that taught me that anyone and everyone would only interact with me if they needed something from me. I wasn't read books of heroes saving the day, or princesses trapped in towers being rescued. I was told that I could die any day, and everyone treated it so casually that I felt like it was normal.
In order to protect my weak heart that wanted to be loved and admired and was only met with a worthless existence, I had to build up those walls. By stripping myself of my humanity, I was able to take even this weak body and push it forward, to catch up and surpass those that I had jealously watched for so long.
[He runs his free hand through his wet hair as he moves out of the water, satisfied with this, leaning a little against Midorima.]
To be honest, even though I feel like I've grown considerably since then, I still have no idea how to express myself. More than that, for someone like me, who's covered in blood so much that you can hardly see what's beneath, to reach out to someone like you... It's not fair, is it? From the very beginning, I was comparing you to someone else in some childish attempt to feel better about being abandoned. I wanted to close my eyes and play pretend that everything was fine. As it is now, it wouldn't be a surprise if you grew to hate me because of that.
But I'd like to make it clear that that plan fell apart near instantly. From just speaking to you after gifting you that piano, you became "Midorima-kun." I wonder if I make that clear, if it might prevent you from staining under my touch a little more.
[This is a lot for shower talk. He always talks a lot, and deeply, but he shifts now, satisfied with how clean he is. Squeezing as much water out of his hair as he can, he slips aside to reach for one of the towels off to the side, aiming to get out first, even if he's unsteady.]
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He watches Eichi's blur get out of the shower. He can still see movement at least, so even if it'll be a sloppy catch if he falls, he's ready to do it. Once he makes it, Midorima dips under the water one more time for a final rinse, not commenting on what Eichi said for a little while as he thinks about it. The conclusion he ends up drawing is simple. ]
I have no doubt that you're still capable of everything you feel guilty of that you're worried about tainting me with. You aren't the only one who had to learn lessons of humanity the hard way. If you were still as cruel as you claim to be, you wouldn't be considering how much you might be hurting me because of your wants at all.
[ He's not saying that Eichi is wrong. He's sure he's right, because Midorima knows that everything he's done wrong is all something he's capable of falling back into if he lets himself. It's why he's trying so hard not to close himself off to everyone upon arriving here, because he's done that. He's refusing to fall back into the same mistakes again, even without Takao here to help him keep from closing off. But it's because he still wants to push everyone away because when they leave, it's going to hurt, and he's going to end up alone again that he's refusing to let himself do that with Eichi. Eichi's refusing to let himself not think about his affect on Midorima, about the affect of his actions, if he's being unfair. That's not the cruelty that Eichi speaks of.
He turns off the water and steps out of the shower, one hand out to make sure that Eichi isn't too close that he's going to knock him over. ]
You express yourself more than anyone I know, though, don't worry about figuring out how to do that more.
[ Rather than let this dwell too long on the emotional, as much progress as Midorima has made with not pushing people away, he is going to resort to basically telling Eichi he talks too much. He holds his hand out for Eichi to hand him a towel because he legit can't see it. ]
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[He decides not to say anything more to the first part, wrapping a towel around himself before he takes Midorima's and passes it over. But in the pass, his other hand touches the back of Midorima's hand underneath, to indicate that he's leaning closer, and then kisses Midorima on the lips. A chaste, quick thing.]
It's not that I don't do it, but that I don't believe I'm understood when I try. So many people take my words to mean something I hadn't intended.
Shall I hand you your glasses?
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[ It stays unsaid, but Midorima is well aware that he's not good at understanding others. There are many things he can observe- identify, correct. There are many things he's good at caring about and there are things he can do to try to show that, even if he's bad at it.
But sometimes he just doesn't realize things unless they're said. In a lot of ways, he and Eichi are very incompatible because of things like that, because of Midorima's tendency to shut himself down at loss and Eichi's inevitable loss, because they're both selfish and demanding in their different ways. Midorima buries his face in the towel, then pats down his hair so he's ready to receive his glasses. ]
Yes, give them to me. [ He would like to see again. ]
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[Some things are embarrassing. He hasn't really dried himself off yet, but with the towel over himself, he moves to pick up Midorima's glasses carefully. Turning them, he moves them gently onto Midorima's face for him. Obviously he's not a glasses wearer, so it's not the best way to do this, but he wanted to do that gesture.
Shortly after that, he dries himself with the towel, turning to look away from Midorima. He's quiet, otherwise, still thinking on all they've done and said.]
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Then he reaches up to fix them so they're positioned a little more like how he likes them. ]
I'll get you some water. Go change into something comfortable.
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[He towel dries his hair, and then drops the towel to the side. There's that mess, and the mess of the clothes in the sink, but he's not going to worry about it right now. He just moves back across to the bedroom, using the walls for support, and moves to change into his pajamas.
But he is really tired... He takes longer to get dressed, and while Midorima excuses him to do other things, Eichi ends up drifting off for a moment. He's in his pajama pants, sitting on the side of his bed, leaned over onto a pillow with his pajama shirt in one hand, and his device in the other. Like he tried to lie to the side for just a moment and sort of drifted off.
He'll wake up again shortly, but, this is where he is now.]
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It's at that point he gathers the things he brought earlier, wipes down the yoga mat and rolls it up. By that time his hands are sufficiently dry and he goes to get his own glass of water and check on Eichi again. Provided he looks like he's still breathing, he pulls up the other side of the blanket to toss over him so he doesn't catch a cold on top of exhaustion. Then, he'll sit on the edge of the bed and take out his nail kit. It's essentially a complete manicure set and he sets to making sure his nails are perfect. A roll of athletics tape is on the bed next to his nail set. He otherwise will stay quiet until Eichi wakes up on his own. ]
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But then he remembers where he is, and blinks at the blanket slipping off of him that had been draped over him. He sets his device to the side, sleepily slipping his shirt on as he glances over to him.]
Are your fingers still fine, then? [He won't comment on anything else, right now.]
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Of course. I have to care for them every day, not just when they're disrupted.
[ It's important to him. Maybe Kise being able to make his shots while using Perfect Copy debunks his theory that it has anything to do with his shot, but it makes Midorima more confident and it makes him able to feel the shot how it's supposed to be. He doesn't have the ability to see into the future, or copy anything he sees other people do. He needs to make concessions and do everything he can to make sure he succeeds. ]
I'm almost finished. There's water there. Drink it.
[ He turns his head to indicate where it is before going onto the next nail. ]
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[He's glad Midorima's hands are fine. He's not sure what he constitutes as fine or not, but he'd hate to be a reason something went wrong. Maybe that still ties in with his words from earlier... He still can't stop thinking about it. So is that supposed to make him a better person? He's not sure. He still feels terrible.
Buttoning up his shirt, he turns to pick up his water and slips more under the blankets on the bed, sitting up still as he sips from it.]
Thank you. [After a long sip, where he lowers the glass and continues to watch him.]
If I promise to control myself, will you sleep in the bed again?
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I have no intention of going to sleep, but I'll lay in it and read if you have a book I can borrow.
[ But Midorima isn't the type who can just sleep whenever. Even if he's a little more tired than he normally would be at this time of day, his sleep is set to a schedule. He sleeps very deeply during it, but he wakes and sleeps at the same time every night. ]
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But sleep isn’t his first desire. ]
I believe this is largely in part to my moonblessing, but it’s impossible to shake the idea. I want to snuggle up close to you.
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[ That's why he wanted the book. Eichi needs to rest. He doesn't verbally agree to the snuggling but he won't stop it from happening either. Midorima's very clear when he's against something, so he hopes that Eichi understands. ]
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[He watches Midorima for another long moment before he sets the water aside, shaking his head.]
No, nevermind. I have books on a shelf near the table in the main room, if you'd like to search for one you might like.
[They're prisma books about things like the culture, any history, and anything you can think of that might help an idol raise himself higher. Media, song writing, so on and so forth.]
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Do you have somewhere to be today?
[ Midorima doesn't really know what to do here, he's going on instinct and trying to be good about this,but he also has no idea how to tell if he's overstaying his welcome. ]
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[He calls it back out, experimentally shifting and stretching from the bed. He's sore, but his pain tolerance is much better with these traits... So hopefully he won't be too sore later, either.]
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[ ...he actually has chroma for once. He can do it. ]
Do you have any allergies?
[ Unless Eichi says he wants something specific, Midorima kind of wants burgers maybe. He feels like he just played a basketball game, between Cordis hunger and his first time. ]
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It's more that I have dietary restrictions. Anything too unhealthy sets me off quite easily, but as long as I'm careful, it isn't an issue. Do you have something in mind?
[He happens to Love burgers.]
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Turkey burgers.
[ ..He's not great at adjusting his plan. He did his best. ]
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Burgers? Hamburgers? If we're going to have something like that, I want beef. ♪ It's fine for me to have something like that once in a while, so long as you don't choose an item that's too over the top.
[Don't get him like jalapenos or something and he'll survive. Normal ass burger.]
Have you found a book yet? I don't want to nap until you're next to me, you know?
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